WRITER ARRESTED AS POLICE PROBE “S. MAN” MURDER IN GRISLY GARDEN TWIST

Writer Roly Andrews has been arrested today in connection with the suspected murder of TV celebrity S. Man. Mr Man, widely known by his nickname “S. Man,” rose to fame as the face of countless television advertisements but had not been seen since last Tuesday.

Andrews, who had long been a thorn in Mr Man’s side, has openly expressed his dislike for the star. Sources say he regularly referred to Mr Man as a “jumped-up little twig” and often ridiculed him as being puerile and pathetic, no sturdier than a sapling. Investigators have revealed that Andrews recently hired a wood chipper — a chilling detail that adds weight to the growing suspicion that something sinister took root.

Police from Special Branch confirmed they are combing through a mulch bed on Andrews’ property, searching for any trace of Mr Man among the shredded wood and garden debris. “We hold grave fears for Mr Man’s safety,” a spokesperson stated. “Our investigation continues to branch out as we gather evidence.”

Andrews’ lawyer has suggested that his client may have snapped like a brittle stick under extreme pressure, after enduring over two decades of constant insidious sneering and competitive mockery from the television icon. “His voice does my head in, I just want to cut him in two, throw him in the trash,” Andrew’s recently wrote.

As the case unfolds, the community remains shaken, waiting to see if this grim tale of wood, chips, and broken limbs leads to justice, or simply leads to more unanswered questions scattered like fallen leaves amongst the litter layer.